Part 2: I am Chija

Namaste, I did not introduce myself properly last time we talked. I am Chija Pariyar and I live in the Handetar Village. I was married when I was 17 years old and my marriage has lasted 19 years. My marriage has blessed me with two sons and one daughter.
I am very blessed that I have my three children but I am also very worried about my daughter. She was born deaf on one ear. This worries me. How will her future be? This is challenging her in her studies as well. I want my daughter to keep on fighting with her studies, but my family does not agree. They want my daughter to get married as soon as possible. Life for girls in Nepal is just so different.

I do not want her to experience the same as I did. I were married too early and I wish a different life for her.
My husband works as a tailor and we have a small plot of land, which are the two sole sources of income for our family. The income of the land is hardly enough to survive on more than three months a year. This makes me very dependent on the salary that my husband receives once a month.

This is difficult, but I am always trying to put on a smile – every single day. I will not let these challenges have a negative influence on my life.

I am so eager to learn and share with my group, and I feel that the time a have spent in the WAWCAS program has already given me a lot of energy. We motivate each other in the group and this makes me very happy. It makes me forget all the challenges I am facing, at least for a while.


Announcing my departure
It was morning and I expected a visit from Rajina. I was very nervous because I had something to tell her. She went to my home, but when she arrived, I was just laying in my bed – I had no energy and didn’t eat my morning meal.
I was very sad because I had been thinking about my family problems. This made me lose focus; I didn’t pay enough attention to Rajina. I was also nervous about what I was about to share with her. I had planned on telling Rajina that I had made the decision not to be part of the group anymore.

I feel like I do not have enough time to give to my group. Rajina was very surprised by my message. She asked me to share my problems. I was not sure if I should share this or just keep the problems to myself. After considering whether to tell her or nor, I decided that I trusted Rajina my problem.

If I never share my problems, how can I change it? But the problems are private and concerning my family, why should anyone else care?

I am dreaming of a peaceful life. My group have been so kind to me so I wanted to share why I want to leave them. And I was embarrassed that my family matters would ruin my progress.
The thing is, that I live with the burden of my husband. He is the reason why I do not have time to stay in the group. My husband has a problem with alcohol. He used to drink everyday and come home late every evening. He always shouted at me and our children. He didn’t care if the door was open for everyone to hear him shouting. I am so embarrassed to face my neighbors; I wonder what they think about me.

I was fed up with these daily life events. It was not easy for me to tell Rajina, but I already feel relieved.
My husband forbid me to stay in the group. So really, I lied to Rajina. I told her that this was my own decision. But the true reason for my departure is that my husband thinks that it has a negative impact on his life if I stay in the group. He questions things such as “Who are going to prepare my meal when you are in the group”.
His drinking habit is very expensive. I personally think that it is a waste of money and is ruining my family. His alcohol problem is ruining my happiness and peaceful environment.

This makes me even more worried about my children’s future. What are they going to learn from their drunk father?
Rajina seem very worried as I tell her about my problems. These are not just challenges, these are real problems.

Rajina supports me, and she holds my hand while she tells me, that it will change. Rajina promised to talk with my husband. I am so scared about the reaction from my husband. I deeply wish that my life will change. I am now awaiting the situation. I pray every evening, that my husband will allow me to stay in WAWCAS.